“Hello, How Are You?”

“Hello, how are you?” is often the first thing you say to someone here in the U.S., regardless of how well you know that person. This is certainly not the case in other places I’ve lived in and traveled. In Mexico you might hear that often, but you wouldn’t in China, for sure!

I have been here in the U.S. for four years and it didn’t take me long to get used to the regular “Hello, how are you?” and the most common and expected response “I’m good, how are you?” But here’s my problem with it. It is so often said by everybody you meet–including the lady giving you coffee and the guy you cross on the street–that it becomes trite. I don’t know if people actually want to know how I’m doing or if they just say it because it is “just what you say.” The latter seems to me to be often the case.

Sure, your good friends might really want to know how you are doing, but anybody else whom you barely know, do they really care? Do they really want to know my state of mind and spirit? Whether I’m struggling with a particular issue or whether today is the most blissful day of my life? And even if they did, who on Earth would want to discuss their state of being to every single person he or she meets on any given day?

I’m sure people don’t have bad intentions when they say it, but asking “how are you?” in such a regular basis can also corner people into lying. I’ve certainly seen myself forced to say I’m good even though I was feeling like crap simply because I did not want to tell my problems to every person I met that day. I barely tell my problems to my friends, why would I tell them to a stranger?

If you really want to know how I am doing then let’s sit down for coffee and have an actual conversation, because I’m sick of the small lies I need to tell to avoid telling others how I really am. If you see me on passing don’t ask me how I am unless you really mean it and you have the time to talk either at that moment or later on.

And when you hear me asking “how are you?” please do know that I mean it. If you’re not doing good feel free to talk to me. I’ll stop my day to offer a listening ear. If you’re not doing good and also don’t feel like talking about it also say so. I’ll still offer being there if you ever want to talk. And if you’re doing great, please share some of that joy!

Let’s be more conscious about what we say, folks!

Happy Easter!